u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
