Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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