wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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