i just wanna soil my oats bro
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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