Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
