honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
