i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize