Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize