y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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