Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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