I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize