she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
