The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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