1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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