can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
