I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
