I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
3pm strippers are depressing
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
