You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
