I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
