I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
