Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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