so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
