I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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