i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This house was built for laser tag.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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