I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
