rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize