I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
