Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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