i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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