He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
