Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
