im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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