we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
