So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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