The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
