I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize