I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
where are you?
Hypothermia
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
