how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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