I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
