guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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