Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
