I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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