the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
