This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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