dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
