eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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