My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
