grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
