I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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