I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
