k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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