TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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