just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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