Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
