dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Pappa wants mamma naked
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The best revenge is premature balding
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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