It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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