we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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