opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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