thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just forgot I was standing up.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
