I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
