a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
