I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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