Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize