fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
dude. I can hear the air.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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